September 18, 2018.
Have a bad experience like flood or fire leaving ruined home items you don’t want to look at anymore? Do you have a hoarding spouse or other family member who won’t let you get rid of anything, even damaged items? Did your “ex” leave a ton of junk behind them for you to deal with? You don’t those memories, and having that junk around just invites more heartbreak and trouble. It’s time to get rid of that old stuff. Like a bad dream, you just want to make it all go away! The key is to make sure your junk and anyone else who might try to make you keep it knows you and that junk will never ever, ever get back together.
There are a few ways to throw away large items you don’t want found:
If you have items left after a particularly bad relationship, you might be able to derive some personal satisfaction while getting that large furniture and other items out of your life. Invite friends over for a “cleansing” and ask each to bring snacks and tools. After obtaining the proper permits and acquiring the outdoor space, you can arrange a large fire circle, have your friends use their tools to help you disassemble or even destroy pieces of furniture and large personal items like bicycles, musical instruments, and office equipment. Place the items in the middle of the fire circle, raise your arms and loudly denounce the bad choices you made which led to the bad relationship. Splash the pile in lighter fluid and toss a match in. You should have at least the next 30 minutes of fire time to tell ghost stories and sing songs. Use this night for a time of healing and bonding with your real friends. At the end, while the more flammable items will be gone, you will probably still have various charred pieces of metal remains, which you will still have to dispose of, but at least you won’t be tempted to bring any of those items back into your home.
Ding Dong Ditch It
Have annoying neighbors who deserve a good prank or two? Why not make your problem their problem? Once you’ve picked the lucky neighbor to bless with your junk, you must determine their routine. We suggest that you be extra careful by staking them out for a good week or two. Once you have established a family pattern of activity, choose the most likely time for them to be away from home long enough to move all your stuff to their property. Using the nighttime as cover is optimal, since it’s important that there are no witnesses to ID you. You also want to make sure these particular rubes don’t use surveillance cameras, either. We suggest you stay aloof and non-engaging with these specific neighbors for some time ahead to prevent the possibility of them recognizing your stuff. You might want to choose people you may not even know. When the time is right, set up your living room furniture on their back patio. Be thoughtful and make sure you use the most attractive arrangement, incorporating their own patio furniture as well. Be sure to avoid damaging their landscaping too much. Hey, it’s possible they’ll love your design and want to keep it. It might happen!
For that extra-special rush, try to leave some of your items at their front door when they are home sleeping. Just dump it quickly, ring the doorbell and run like crazy around a corner. This way you get maximum thrill and might even be able to watch their reaction from a safe distance. What could be more satisfying than to know you have no more junk at your house, but your neighbors now have items that are “new to them.” You might just be doing them a huge favor!
Here’s one way to get others to do your dirty work for you. Schedule a scavenger hunt with your local scout group or civic club. Make a list of all the large junk items you have in your home and use it as their scavenging item list. Send them all to your address. As long as you don’t mind thirty to fifty strangers sifting through your home, the work can be done for you! Have the teams travel in groups of four to make sure even the little guys can carry off a whole couch or mattress together. Also, make sure their moms have trucks and vans to fit the items in. They can take everything back to the building they meet in, and then your junk will be the scoutmasters’ or other groups’ problem. Perhaps they could conduct a rummage sale, and you can feel good about contributing to their organization with your junk.
Throw Away Large Items Without the Downsides
In the end, all of these wonderful ways of dealing with you inner demons and outer trash still leave you will a few downsides. First, fire is really messy, and you’d have to clean that up at some point anyway. That’s no fun. Secondly, you’d still have to move the junk out of the house on your own, and possibly carry it for several blocks. Also, no fun. If you’re found out, that could make the neighborhood block party a bit awkward. And unless you’re planning to move soon, you might want to develop relationships with your neighbors. Third, having kids who indiscriminately go through your home to grab stuff might not be awesome for the items you want to keep. Besides, you might not be very well thought of in your community with any of these actions, and if you still dream about running for president, using these options means you can kiss that dream goodbye.
Why not grow a conscience and do the right thing? You can throw away large items and help your community at the same time. Jiffy Junk pros can come out and grab all your stuff in one trip right away. They’ll keep as much of that junk out of the landfills as possible by donating the best of the pile to your local charities and taking anything that can be recycled to the appropriate recycle center. The rest will be thoughtfully and legally disposed of. Avoid further heartbreak- call Jiffy Junk or go online. Your neighbors won’t hate you and you will sleep like a baby.