September 25, 2018.
Have you ever wandered around NYC and noticed abandoned furniture laying around in alleys, by dumpsters and off ramps or on the side of the road? It’s become a problem, and detectives and local police would like to see it stop happening. If you’ve ever walked past a mounted police officer and felt him or her glaring at you for to long a time, they might be wondering if you’re the kind of person who could be using the city as a furniture dumping ground. Perhaps the police have hired a profiler to think up a description or motivation for these phantom furniture felons. We thought it would be a good use of time to imagine for ourselves who might be the potential culprits, randomly throwing away furniture in NYC.
Since the rest of the world makes fun of and blames the Millennial generation of young adults for everything else these days, we thought we might as well get a piece of that action, too. Until at least age 35 or so, these multiple moochers are probably still living with Mommy and Daddy. They profile as being entitled and super picky, so it’s not a far stretch to imagine how their love of all things IKEA might create a distain for the antiquated furniture of their parents’ yesteryears. All that old furniture could be exactly what they’re using in their folks’ basements. What do they then do? Why, they might be the ones dumping their old velour davenport out the window and down the way. Once the dirty deed is done, the Millennial is ready to go online to order their new sleek and modern Wayfair or Amazon sofa with built-in ottoman.
Fed Up Parents of Millennials
Perhaps after a while of catering to their overstaying Millennial children, the parents might make some choices that finally benefit themselves. Maybe the shoe is on the other foot as these fed up parents decide to get rid of everything in the basement to prevent their grown adult children from coming back at all. They might decide to convert the basement to a space they can use, and their kids will hate. That means, out with the old mattresses and end tables! These determined empty nester wannabees could have decided to get rid of that mini fridge, old TV cart and Keg stand, too … wait, that keg stand might belong to their son. No matter; that goes too! Say goodbye to any piece of furniture that could ever resemble a sleeping surface, so definitely no couch or upholstered bench could be allowed to stay.
But how might they get rid of all these items quickly and quietly? There’s no time to advertise for or sell it. They wouldn’t just put old furniture on the curb, or else the kids might see it and carry it back into their parents’ house. By then, the hopeful parents would have traded their pickup truck or family van for a two-seat sports car so there’s no hauling the furniture very far from home. The answer then becomes clear. The parents of Millennials might stoop to carrying furniture out to the road or ally and dumping it where their kids might not see it, and certainly would no longer want it. Once the old furniture would have been properly littered around town, then the parents would get the pool table or exercise equipment they’ve always wanted in place. They’d have to move quickly before their kids could still order some cheap disassembled modern furniture and then become permanent substrate squatters.
Just how many people buy the scratch-offs in the local grocery stores and gas stations in NYC? Thousands, and sooner or later, people win money. What do they do with that money? They buy new stuff, oftentimes, new furniture. People who win big might even buy a new home. Either way, before they can get new stuff, they must find a discreet way to get rid of old stuff. Why discreet? Have you ever won a million bucks and noticed just how many previously unknown family members come out of the woodwork? How about “old friends” who, before word of your win got around, hadn’t bothered to stay in contact for years? Big lottery winners would do anything to keep everyone and their granny from hearing about their new-found wealth. That means they can’t just take their furniture out and put it on the curb during the day or be seen driving around to donation or recycle centers themselves. Anyone who buys 20 Big Lotto tickets each week is bound to draw attention trying to ditch old furniture. Instead, it’s possible that these big winners, instead, unload their unwanted furniture in the dark of night.
Illicit Pet Collectors
It’s a well-known suspicion of local law enforcement that there are some little old people who like to host hordes of pets in their small spaces. These daring dog-pack leaders and folks with kingdoms of kittles can harbor hundreds of four-legged friends in their small houses or apartments. Do you know what that can do to a couch over time? Living in fear of their families discovering their canine and feline obsessions might leave these pet owners hesitant to publicly dispose of rotten furniture loaded with doggie DNA or feline pheromones. These illicit pet collectors are clearly another group to consider when determining just who might be throwing away furniture in NYC.
Throwing Away Furniture in NYC Without the Risk
Don’t be a fugitive furniture felon. If you’re one of those people who risk everything throwing away furniture in NYC in places not designated for disposal, there’s a better way! You can get rid of anything on your property that needs to go, quickly, easily and in one trip. Our Jiffy Junk pros will not only keep you and your furniture safely out of dark alleys, they will keep most of your junk out of the landfills. They will donate whatever you have that can be given to local charities, and they’ll get the recyclable items to the proper donation centers without you lifting a finger. While Jiffy Junk can’t guarantee that your adult children will learn to support themselves, we can get your unwanted items out of your way, giving you a fighting chance to keep your basement, your winnings and possibly some of your pets. Call or go online to schedule your pick up today.