July 30, 2018.
Got a pesky sofa situation on your hands? Not sure how to dispose of an old sofa that has worn out its welcome? We have a few original (perhaps, outrageous?) suggestions for you.
#1 – Sofa Garden
This idea gives a whole new meaning to the term “outdoor furniture.” Set your old sofa outside by the stoop. Remove the cushions and fill it with a large amount of black dirt from the local garden shop. Plant your choice of vegetables or flowers. Tomatoes might be a good choice. Everyone loves vine-ripened tomatoes. Place the cushions on the ground in front of the sofa garden to provide comfortable seating for tending your garden. You’ll be the talk of the neighborhood!
#2 – Serial Killer Style
Find a sharp-edged object. Something like an axe or…well, an axe would work nicely. Continue by driving the sofa to a wooded area. If the sofa asks where you are taking it, answer with another question. Something like, “We wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise now, would we?”
When you feel you have reached maximum seclusion, strap your weapon to your back and pull the sofa from the rear of your vehicle. Begin dragging the sofa to its doom. Once you’re under cover in the woods, turn and begin maliciously hacking away at the legs of your victim. Dig a hole and commence burying the sofa while it screams, “Holy butt-rest, I’m a talking sofa!”
#3 – Furniture Feed
Momma always said, “Never let a good sofa go to waste…” Or something like that. There is nothing like the aroma of a tasty leather sofa roasting over the pit. But before we get ahead of ourselves, we must plan this thing properly. The most important part of this type of sofa disposal is the initial step. That step being marketing.
Post flyers and call the neighborhood together! Make sure everyone is invited to your event. Now, get that sofa on a spit and start it on its magical journey to barbeque perfection! When it has reached its maximum potential of smoky glory, begin to carve it down, slice by juicy sofa slice. And don’t forget to bring plenty of napkins!
#4 – A Good Cause…Kinda
An excellent solution when trying to get rid of something you don’t want is to make someone else take it and call it a donation. In this case, try donating the pesky hunk of furniture to the Gluteus Maximus Clinic of Butt Awesomeness as a peace offering to offset the “prank donation” of the Rigged Leisure Seat of Lacerations and Torture you sent them last week. It was meant to be a petty joke, but it turned into a real pain in the rear.
#5 – Cushions Lying About
Twisting the truth can definitely work as a temporary solution to most issues. Be warned, however, this “band-aid on a bullet wound” sort of solution will always come back to bite you in the butt.
An effective little lie to get rid of your sofa would be to tell it you saw its soft ‘n sweet love seat with some futon from the IKEA down the street. That ought to get the pesky thing to shoot out the door on its own. Get a new sofa moved in and be sure to change the locks before it comes back. And, it will!
#6 -Date Ditch
If you have a sofa stalker you have been trying desperately to ditch, then this “ridiculous way” won’t seem so ridiculous to you. First, invite the sofa out on a lovely dinner date to a fine restaurant. You know, one of those places where crowds tend to stare in a particularly judgmental fashion. Tell the sofa to dress up real nice. Being a sofa that is completely obsessed with you, they will follow suit most predictably. When that evening arrives…you will not. That should get the message across, and you and your new sofa will be able to cuddle in peace.
#7 – Divided
Do two halves make a whole…or just two halves? While this solution to ridding yourself of a sofa may be a bit of a technicality, we are going to roll with it.
Have you picked up on the idea we are aiming for? As is the solution to many problems, we will be taking out the middle man. Or, in this case, the midsection. Now, while you are, of course, left with two halves of an elongated chair to get rid of, you no longer have a full-sized sofa dilemma.
#8 – A Not So Giveaway
Have you ever seen furniture sitting outside in a neighborhood with a sign on it that says FREE or TAKE ME? All it takes is some reverse psychology and your sofa will disappear in no time.
Leave your sofa near the sidewalk with a sign on it that reads pretty much anything accept “FREE.” Maybe something like “Personal Property – Don’t Touch.” Make all of the bad boys out there believe there is value in your hunk of junk. It is sad, but people would rather steal things than take them for free.
How to Dispose of an Old Sofa: The Real Solution
All these suggestions are made in jest, of course. The best and real solution for disposing of an old sofa is to call Jiffy Junk. We will come to your home or apartment, carry the sofa out for you, and haul it away. If it is still useable, it will be taken to a donation center that accepts large furniture. All it takes is a simple phone call and we schedule a pickup day and time that fits with your needs.
If you have other items you’d like to get rid of – old clothes, books, toys, electronics, appliances – we’ll take them too. We’ll even take yard waste like tree limbs after a storm, or those bags of leaves you fill each fall. If we can haul it, there isn’t a whole lot we won’t take (except dead bodies—we’re not licensed to handle those). Call us today!